I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
