I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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