You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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