get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
