The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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