At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
