He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
