Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
