Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
