What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
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I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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