Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
