There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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