Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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