I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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