we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
