Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
