Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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