I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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