so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
