i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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