I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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