I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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