I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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