I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
