Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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