she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
