Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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