How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Of course I have a pirate flag
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
