I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
