On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
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I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
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Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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