Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
