What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
