I wish I only lived at night.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
