he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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