if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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