it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
