So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize