My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
