i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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