"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
