i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
