Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
