he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I AM VODKA MAN
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
