just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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