i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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