dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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