This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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