You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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