so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
