I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
