There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
