I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
