I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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