this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize