I'm going to jail i love you
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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