I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
