I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
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This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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