Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
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i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
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The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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