He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
