Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
