oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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