she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
