There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm both gender and math confused
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
