Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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