i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
