What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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