finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
