Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
